Monday, October 31, 2005

Radio radio

Today's comic pretty much explains how I feel about the radio. I argued with an acquaintance of mine recently about whether or not it was my right to say that "just about everything on the radio is a huge load of horseshit." His argument was basically that "this music wouldn't exist if people didn't want to listen to it, so you're basically being an elitist by saying that they have bad taste in music."
Am I out of line here by saying that "Hollaback Girl" is a really annoying song? Am I being politically incorrect somehow by saying that this music is terrible? Do I need some kind of a fucking badge in order to voice my opinion about something?

Okay, I'm going to lay down the law right here and now. "Hollaback Girl" is a shitty song, and if you have ever listened to it and enjoyed it, you are a shitty person. Country music is vile jingoistic trash now... or at least it is when its artists aren't singing about how they like to drive trucks. Nobody cares about your goddamn trucks, okay?
Rap has been wussified. What happened to the songs about shooting people on the street? Even Fifty Cent, who is supposed to be like this hardcore gangster or something, is writing shit like this:
"You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub, look mami i got the extacey in to taken drugs, im in there having sex i aint into maken love, so come give me a hug, if u in there gettin rubbed"
That's right, the lyrics sheet has the letter "u" instead of the word "you." Fifty Cent has the lyrical abilities of some 13-year-old kid from Nebraska that posts his amateur rap lyrics on some Insane Clown Posse messageboard. You just need to add the word "juggalo" or "faygo" in there and you're all set.
And what rock do I have to listen to? All they play on the radio is either this Pennywise or Green Day complaint rock shit, unless you want to go the classic rock direction, meaning 80's butt rock with an occasional Led Zeppelin song thrown in, but never one of the good ones. I mean, why are they playing butt rock? It's called butt rock for a good reason: because it sounds like music that was produced from a butt.

Disagree with that, punks.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Some kind of mail from people

TobyFire16 writes:
"hey danny alex keene or whatever you name is, how come you talk like you do on your website? are you trying to be a hipster by talking like that"

Jeez, I hope not. I don't even really know what a hipster is. Let's check out our old friend "" to find out.

"hip·ster (hpstr)
n. Slang
One who is exceptionally aware of or interested in the latest trends and tastes, especially a devotee of modern jazz."

MODERN JAZZ? Fuck you, TobyFire! I'll be singing scat at your funeral, douche! Doodily bop do doo bopp she bop she YOU SUCK.


Ashley writes:
"Hey, I like the new comic. Did you get someone else to start drawing for you?"

I couldn't tell if this person was trying to be witty or if she actually thought someone else was drawing for me. Either way, that's not a very polite thing for you to say to someone. Where's YOUR comic, Ashley? How well drawn is it? Wait, what's that? It DOESN'T EXIST?


Joe writes:
"your website looks kind of different but there are a few pictures different, if that is the website mike ramsey made for you you should get your momey back :)"

Joe, first of all, dudes should not send smileys to other dudes. Second of all, this is definitely not the website that Mike Ramsey made for me... I just changed a few pictures. Ramsey's site will probably have all these frames and things that make it look like a website from 1995, so you'll know it when you see it. Third of all, I'm not paying Ramsey jack (which may account for the fact that he's taking a really long time). Even if I were paying him, I wouldn't pay him in "momey."


Brenda Phillips writes:

"sщpиr sоzи yтыr mаnhффd "

This is all I'm posting from this person because it's obviously junk mail and I'm not opening it. Russians everywhere should be proud to know that their alphabet is being used to bypass junk mail filters.
Besides, Brenda Phillips, junk mail making references to one's "manhood" is so old hat. You think anyone falls for that? What happened to those emails that just said "hey" or "Your shipment of A-Team vanity plates has arrived?" Those were tricky.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Big news

Have you heard the news, man? Sure, you might have heard that a warrant has just been issued for Tom Delay's arrest, or that Harriet Miers would support a constitutional ban on abortion... but I've got the real news right here. You won't hear this on any of the official news sources, either. Hot off the presses.

Comcast has officially classified "Hackers" as a comedy.

Is this a mistake? Is this just another random blunder that Comcast so often makes due to gross ineptitude? Or could it be that Comcast finally knows what it's doing?

Saturday, October 15, 2005


I don't tend to rant a lot on this thing (I mean, I do sometimes). I don't like to think of myself as one of those internet assholes whose opinion is somehow better than everyone elses because I have my very own official website. I like to leave that kind of thing to people who do it professionally. There's something that really pisses me off though, and hell, what better place to whine about it than on a blog?
As you probably know, there's a vote button on my site that gives me a higher rank on I finally made it onto the top 100 list for some reason (I jumped from something like 112 to 86 in one day) when I posted my most recent comic. In other words, according to the statistics at the time of this posting, I am officially better than this comic, but I'm not as good as this comic. I'm not bitter about being a lower rank than a Sonic the Hedgehog ripoff comic, because even though it's been a year, I'm still pretty new at this. What really rankles my shingles (I just made that up because I'm a spectacular writer) is that a Sonic the Hedgehog comic is ahead of Beaver and Steve. As you might know by now, Beaver and Steve is actually funny. Very funny. I've actually laughed out loud at that comic, and I don't laugh out loud at comics, especially ones that are on the fucking internet.
And you know what? There are THREE Sonic the Hedgehog comics ahead of it! SONIC THE GODDAMN HEDGEHOG. You know what I think about I think about people that draw comics that utilize a popular video game character? This is what I fucking think of them.

I mean, I can deal with anime comics, I can deal with stick figures, and god help me, I can even deal with furry comics, but when a comic that stars Sonic the Hedgehog gets into the top ten of ANY list, that's when you know that something has gone terribly wrong with society.
You know what I want you all to go do? Go to and vote for it. Right now. Vote for it every day in fact. Make sure it stays on the top ten, because Christ Almighty, it deserves to be ahead of anything called "InSONICnia."

Friday, October 14, 2005

This is not a guest comic at all

My brother's first reaction upon looking at my new comic was "Ooh, guest comic! I thought you said YOU drew this one." My brother is totally a sucker, though, because I DREW IT. I decided to draw the panels a lot bigger before scanning the thing, and I also made darker outlines around the characters. My brother and all the rest of you jerks who thought it was a guest comic can go suck it. That includes YOU, Muqtada al-Sadr , you stupid idiot. You don't know anything.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


If you ever have to listen to any music by the band Rush, be sure to look at this picture while you do it:

Try it. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Unhappiness is webcomics

I'm pretty sure this has been said, like, a million times by now, but most webcomics out there are very bad, especially near the beginning. Go check out any Keenspace comic... there's probably about a 90% chance that it will suck balls. However, there are plenty of good comics out there that are confused as being bad comics for various reasons, and I'm going to tell you about them right now, speaking as a person who pretty much just uses the internet to read webcomics.

First of all, every comic has an awkward starting period. Either the artwork starts out not looking so good, or the comic isn't especially funny, whatever. These things happen. It takes some time for the artist to get into his groove and ultimately do what he actually wants to do. Some webcomics have longer awkward periods than others (I, for example, am still in my awkward artwork phase, but I like to think that I've grown out of my awkward writing phase). Hell, one of my favorite webcartoonists, Jeffery Rowland, didn't really get out of his awkward stage until he stopped doing his original comic. I usually like to give comics some leeway, timewise, before I judge them one way or another for this reason.

Another potential problem is that people will scan comics, see the one on the front page, and not understand what is going on in the storyline. I'm not suggesting that people limit their comics to one-shot jokes that anyone could get on face value, but it does pose a problem. In order for anyone to get the joke on the front page (which is potentially hilarious in context), the reader has to scan through all the other comics, and if your first comic looks something like this, chances are that they'll be instantly turned off.

How do you tell which comic you should give a chance? Here are the guidelines you can follow if you want to find the comics that may have some potential:

-They are interestingly drawn. Too many comics tend to look like the author just picked up some book on how to draw anime. Even if the comic isn't necessarily spectacular-looking, if the style is different than what you're normally used to seeing, you ought to give it a chance. The author will probably improve with time, anyway. A good example you should go check out is Stolle Bengtsson, unless you're easily disturbed, or you're prejudiced against foreigners.

-They don't look like Penny-Arcade. Penny-Arcade is funny and all, but everyone that knows how to draw is copying their drawing style; when you see that kind of art, you can pretty much assume that the humor is going to be similar to Penny-Arcade's, but more half-baked and unoriginal. And speaking of Penny-Arcade, that brings us to the next guideline...

-They aren't about videogames. Again, Penny-Arcade has cornered the market on this one, and to be honest, they're pretty much the only ones that do it right.

-They aren't boring Mary Worth-style relationship comics. You can pretty much recognize these right away without much trouble. If you have any doubts, try finding the comic's archive section, go about halfway down the list, and then read through four or five strips. If it's just some dude talking to some chick about buying a coffee pot without any jokes or action thrown in to spice it up, you can probably ignore this comic altogether. You may have noticed by now that I haven't mentioned that "the comic should be well drawn" yet, and for good reason: the most well-drawn comics tend to be boring Mary Worth-style relationship comics. Being a good artist doesn't necessarily make you a good writer (and vice versa).

-They aren't anime (or anime-style). I know I already mentioned anime earlier, but if you're reading an anime comic and it doesn't have any naked ladies on it, it probably doesn't have any redeeming value at all. If you think I'm being shallow by saying this, go read a few of them and then get back to me. If you find one that is worth my time, I'd be very willing to check out your notable exception.

Anyway, there are other guidelines, but they probably vary from person to person. These are the important ones, and I think I have the authority to say so because I'm like some kind of big time comic artist who makes tons of money by posting comics without spending any of my own money on bandwidth.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Comic Genesis? More like Comic GeneSHITS.

My comic server, Keenspace (also known as "Comic Genesis" for total losers), seriously gets slower every time I update my comic. It used to take a half-hour, tops. Now it literally takes hours to update, and sometimes it won't update for at least a day. It's almost enough of an inconvenience to make me just go and set up my own server with old Apple II computers so that when people load up my comic, they get an error message that says something like "what is a html" or "I just don't understand all these jpegs." Also maybe it will show up as one of those ASCII pictures that moves.

What are my actual news? I'm taking a Russian class, so if anybody out there knows the language and wants to help teach a dude Russian, that's word because you know you can't touch this.