Sunday, February 26, 2006

I win

Well, apparently the post I made on Comicgenesis made a difference, because out of my own (and other peoples') complaining, they've put the porno ads only on the NC-17 sites, and not the MA sites. Apparently one of the higher ups didn't realize that the two ratings meant different things, so they just applied the ad to MA and NC-17 rated people across the board. It's better now, though, so there you go. Who says that protestors never achieve anything?

Also, Comicgenesis apparently has a rule saying that you have to put the ad at the top of the site, which pretty much ruins my design scheme. I didn't really want people to have to scroll way down just to get past an ad AND the banner for my site, but they have their rules and I have to follow them, so that's that. I'll try to find a way to spruce it up so it's not so glaringly obvious, though.

This is the last straw

Okay, here's the deal. Comicgenesis has decided, without my permission, to put ads to J-List on my site. You'll notice this if you scan down to the bottom of the page. J-List, of course, is a Japanese company that sells pornography. I don't know if they just thought that it was a harmless ad or what, but it seems unlikely, because not only did the ad change, but it mysteriously moved from the bottom of the page (where it used to be) to the top (I have since changed the code so it's back at the bottom of the site again, with a friendly note). This leads me to believe that they did it as an act of revenge, maybe because I had the ad at the bottom of the site instead of the top, maybe because I've been openly telling people that clicking the ads will give them pop-ups and spyware, maybe because I've been openly criticizing ComicGenesis for two years. None of that should make a difference, though, because that's an extremely oppressive (and juvenile) thing for them to do, and I hope to god that this is just a mistake.

Anyway, this is a deciding moment for Biscuits for Breakfast, the moment where the wrong decision on anyone's part could lead to the end of my site. I posted a complaint about the ad on the Comicgenesis help forum (which can be read here), and I'm going to see what their reaction is. If I get ANY implication that they did this out of revenge, or that this is somehow MY fault, I'm shutting down Biscuits for Breakfast. That's it.

Stay posted.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Don't read forums. Ever.

There is never a good reason to read a forum. What might start out as a friendly chat with a long-distance friend will quickly spiral into an endless miasma of confusing emoticons and irritating emotional descriptions. For every sane, intelligent person that types complete sentences with capitalization and punctuation, there are about fifty people that find it necessary to pretend that they're hugging you over the internet or some such nonsense. There are several patterns that will inevitably emerge from any forum-type situation you're ever in.

1. People will say ^___^ at least once in every thread. I think it's supposed to represent someone smirking at you, but if I ever saw anyone make a face like that at me in real life, I would instantly spit at them. It wouldn't even be a conscious thing, but more of a gut reaction, as if the lizard part of my brain thinks that this person is about to attack me, and the only thing I can do is blast a loogie right in his face.

2. The subject of any conversation you start will be lost within six to eight posts of the original. Want to talk about Jean Paul Sarte and the concept of existentialism? Within six posts, someone will proclaim that a dance party has started, and twenty people in a row will say that they're dancing with asterisks around whatever text they type. Within twelve posts, someone will probably compare someone else to Hitler or the Nazis.

3. Someone with an anime picture as their avatar will say something about anime, thereby marking the end of whatever thread was being posted on. Making a post like this is equal to farting so loudly at a dinner party that everyone leaves the room at the same time. Any attempts to revitalize whatever thread this happened on will be ignored.

4. Someone with an extremely conservative ideology will show up and say something completely ridiculous, and will then be attacked by about six angry liberals at the same time. All the same arguments will be used again and again by both sides, and the battle will continue indefinitely until someone says something about anime.

Here is a quick transcript of a possible forum exchange over a period of several days.

DAY 1 (note: thread is called "Flaws in Taxi Driver")
"SaucyCat23 - Taxi Driver was a fine film, but it lacked critical elements that could have humanized the main character."

"*.*.+\Kujimo ^_^/+.*.* - You are absolutely right. *Kujimo kisses SaucyCat*"

"chibiLOLdrugs - hey what do you guys think about spoons :("

DAY 2
"SaucyCat23 - butter knives can be used to butter bread but you should use a spoon to butter toast"

"chibiLOLdrugs - *Chibi hugs saucycat* lol yea *Chibi kisses saucycat on the neck* i use spoons for drugs lol "

DAY 3
"SaucyCat23 - lol *SaucyCat does a dance* DANCE PARTY"

"chibiLOLdrugs - lol dance party everybody dance *chibi does disco dance*

"*.*.+\Kujimo ^_^/+.*.* - *kujimo dances as well* hey do u guys hate the jews as much as i do lol"

"chibiLOLdrugs - omg thats RACIST and let me tell you why: didn't you ever learn about hte holocaust"

"*.*.+\Kujimo ^_^/+.*.* - you lie-beral all im saying is that the jews should be exterminated lol there's so many holes in your argument"

(chibiLOLdrugs proceeds to counterattack Kujimo by repeating every word he said and then explaining a fatal flaw in the reasoning of each individual word, which Kujimo blows off as being "rediculous.")

---------------------------------

DAY 13
"AnimeCatzSmileLOL204 - do u guys watch inuyasha ^_____^ lol anime fujibar crystals"

DAY 14
Nothing is posted.

DAY 15
Nothing is posted.

Forums can ruin a person. They can make a person hate the world, even if that person isn't in junior high. Back in 2003 when my brother ran his original Orcish Spam site, Tim Buckley from Ctrl-Alt-Del made an offhand comment about it (because the guy that designed his website also designed/starred in Orcish Spam). Needless to say, Josh's forums got mobbed by idiots that basically did everything I stated above tenfold, and it got so bad that it ended up being one of the contributing factors to the downfall of Orcish Spam itself. Let that be a warning.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

An interesting news story

I was checking my email today when a story from Comcast News caught my eye. Frankly, I was shocked.

Angry Bond Fans Threaten to Boycott Film

According to the story, a small website has declared war on the new James Bond film, "Casino Royale," since they have replaced pretty-boy fancy-man Pierce Brosnan with a more haggard, Connery-esque looking Daniel Craig.



SHOCKING.

No, it's not shocking that they've replaced the actor that plays James Bond, that's happened at least three (four?) times. No, it's not shocking that they've picked someone slightly less attractive (Sean Connery wasn't a pretty-boy by any means, and he was still the best Bond by far). And no, it's not shocking that he has light colored hair. Who the fuck cares about that shit.

No, what's shocking is that the Associated Press thinks it's newsworthy to report on these stupid angry websites now. My website looks better than this bullshit. I barely know html, let alone any of that php or flash crap, and I didn't get a call from any reporters when I told everyone that I play a game where I search for cats on Google Image Search. Hey Associated Press, I heard that Maddox updated his website for the first time in several months! Why don't you write a news story about it? Sure people are dying around the world and we can't find a cure for AIDS or cancer or heart disease, the deficit is skyrocketing, and Dick Cheney shot someone in the face, but who cares? SOME PODUNK WEBSITE JUST CALLED FOR A BOYCOTT ON A JAMES BOND MOVIE!

You know what? I don't care how Casino Royale turns out to be. I don't care if Daniel Craig speaks with a lisp or gets a mohawk or rubs bacon grease on his face... I'm going to watch that goddamn movie, and I encourage all of you to do the same. Watch it five times in a row. Spread the word that this is going to be the best movie ever made, even if it's (probably) not. Spite can be a powerful weapon.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Comic graveyard!

Well, I managed to set up my new sister site, which I did decide to name Comic Graveyard. You can find it over at http://comicgraveyard.comicgenesis.com, which I understand would be quite a mouthful if you had to speak out loud to your computer in order to make it go to websites. I guess if you were blind you might have some kind of system that would work like this, but blind people don't read comics on the internet.

Anyway, I'm going to post one of my classic side comics every day until they're all used up. Afterwards, I'm going to start putting new comics up there, which I can update just about every day, since those damn things are just so easy to make.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

OH MY GOD ORCISH SPAM IS BACK

My brother has resurrected his old comic, Orcish Spam! Dedicated readers already know this as the site where I got my start as a professional shitty-comic creator, but he let it die about two years ago because of some kind of problems.

Well, now it's back, and the new strip is just kicking ass all over the place. All the archives will apparently be up in a day or so, and the site design still needs to be worked on, but who cares? FUCKING ORCISH SPAM IS BACK.

HOLY SHIT.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Eye Are See

I created an IRC channel just for you, my terrible fans. If you want to get in on the action, go to irc.sorcery.net #biscuitsforbreakfast. If you need a good IRC client, I suggest you go get mIRC.

This is a test to start out... if people post on it without being assholes, I might leave it permanent. However, remember that nothing is sacred in IRC, so you might want to leave any semblance of dignity behind before entering (I had to leave the Bigger Than Cheese channel after people started posting pictures of their scanned penises... but I won't let things get THAT bad).

I'm adding a permanent link to the bar on your right, so... you know. Yup.

EDIT: The best time to show up is from 2:00 pm to 2:00 am on any given day.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Would you believe that phase two has a third phase

gNew order of business: I have included transcription links to all my comics, courtesy of Ohnorobot.com. So, if you see a link under one of my comics that says "Transcribe this comic!" then by all means click that link and follow the instructions. This will allow certain keywords to show up for people looking for comics with that particular keyword. So if someone was searching for, I don't know, the word TAMPON, Biscuits for Breakfast would probably come up first.

I've also put a little search bar on my site, so if there's a particular comic you want to find (once all my comics have been transcribed), just type in a keyword and a list will come up. It's that easy and/or cheesy.

Also, some news. I still have a bunch of old comics leftover from the old days that most of you haven't seen yet. However, I've been reluctant to post them on my site, since they're completely unrelated to Biscuits for Breakfast. So, I've decided to start up a yet unnamed sister site (working title: Comic Graveyard) to put these on. Once I've posted them all, I'll try to think of something to do with the site (maybe post unrelated comics there in the future! hooray!)

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Phase two of phase two

Things are already going swimmingly. Rabid fan Reclamare (who I suspect was the person who sent me this comic) has created a Comixpedia entry about my comic, which is now permanently listed on the links section to the right. It's actually really good so far, and it has some stuff on there that I never would have thought to mention, meaning that my fans already know more about my comic than I do.
I'd actually prefer it if you guys did all the modifying of that page, though, since you would probably do a better job of it than I would. Plus, it seems kind of pretentious to basically make a Wikipedia article about myself, so there you go.

Regarding the new comic schedule (two comics a week), I haven't decided which day the second comic will typically post, but the first one will most likely be on Sundays. The schedule will probably change from time to time as my own schedule changes, but I'll still be sure to post at least two comics a week. This blog will also continue to post regularly, as it has in the past, so keep on reading it.

Reclamare also mentioned that I should try making fan art for other comics to spread the word around. I've already done one for Sidwood (scroll down) and three for White Ninja (although the third one hasn't been posted yet, and the two that have been posted BOTH have incorrect urls). I still do fan art whenever the opportunity arises, but now that I know it's a business strategy... we'll see what happens.

It's time to step up, fools

My internet comic has existed for about two years now. I've got a considerable amount of strips at this point, I've made some big changes, and I think that I've finally got my comic where I want it to be artwise. I've got a solid comic that is quite a bit funnier than most of the other comics on Comic Genesis.

It's time to enter phase two of our operations.

Anyone who reads this comic regularly: listen up. I'm updating TWICE A WEEK from now on. I've decided to spend a lot more time drawing comics and a lot less time doing other shit, like nothing, and watching television. I need you guys to try and advertise my site a little bit, though... tell your friends about it, make occasional posts on whatever websites you have, do what you got to do.

The only place I've ever advertised my comic is on Comic Genesis, at the Comic Pitching section. Let me tell you, though, that it's a bit of a dead end. The only people that tend to read that thing are other webcomic artists, and these are people that make comics with names like "Life, Such as it is" and "Not Your Standard College Webcomic." Ooh, what's so deviant about your college webcomic, huh? Does it have a ZANY professor that smokes pot? Maybe a talking dog that's majoring in engineering? You make me sick.

Anyway, that's the deal. Tell people about my comic (I'm looking at YOU, Reclamare), and I'll post two comics a week, guar-ron-teed.

Monday, February 06, 2006

McMahon emails me

As you might already know, the character McMahon from my comic is partly based off of a real person I know from college named Kyle McMahon. I named the character after him about a year after I started the comic because I realized that this person was like a living embodiment of this character in his mannerisms and body type (although he had real legs, as far as I can tell). Well, he sent me an email the other day, because he apparently has a problem with me.

--------

dear dan:
i'm writing this email to you because i don't like the way you have been portraying my in your comic. i was fine with it at first becuase is was actually a lot like that, but now you're starting to cross the line. i would NOT put a bumper sticker on my car that said "git r' done", and i am offended that you would assume as such. also i do not carry giant bags of trash in my car either, so you were wrong about that as well. i do drive a monster truck though so at least you got that right.
i am not angry at you, i would just like for you to do your research in the future if you want mcmahon to be accurate. i woudl rather swallow an entire glass bottle without chewing it than put a git r done sticker on my car. really, i would swallow the bottle whole/
please apologize.
-kyle mcmahon

-----------

Okay, Kyle, I'm sorry that I assumed you were a fan of Larry the Cable Guy. I do realize that this may have been over the line, so I formally apologize. I'm not altering the comic, though, so if you thought I was going to do something like that, you are wrong to the point that I am going to laugh at you.