Wednesday, May 31, 2006

List of things I gotta do before I go to Russia

-Fill out a bunch of damn forms

-Get vaccinated for Hepatitis A

-Get checked for HIV (yes, I'm serious about this... Russia has a strict policy for anyone staying longer than thirty days)

-Get a $90 passport

-Get a $90 visa

-Get a $400 laptop from some bargain bin website that sells shit computers

-See if I can get my Financial Aid to cover the trip, and if they don't...

-Cry myself to sleep

-Learn how to say "Fuck you, dogg, I ain't buying no bread that looks like a dude sat on it" in Russian (this will almost definitely come up at some point)

-Prepare for my trip by watching "Dr. Zhivago," "Hunt for Red October," "The Russia House" (which ALSO stars Sean Connery), "Octopussy," "Enemy At The Gates," and "Rush Hour" starring Chris Tucker.
(EDIT: I have been informed that "Rush Hour" has nothing to do with Russia.)

-Find out the legal drinking age in Russia

-Buy a t-shirt that says "America is so much better than Russia" in both English and Russian and wear it every single day while I'm in Russia. The natives will obviously learn how much better America is than Russia after reading my shirt and want to become friends with me.

-Find out how the health care is in St. Petersburg, and whether or not they will cover Americans who have lost three of their teeth after being punched in the face

Saturday, May 27, 2006

News for the coming months

I've been planning on spending the year after next in Russia for a college exchange type program, but after a great deal of soul-searching and personal anguish (actually I just thought about it for like five hours), I've decided to go THIS year instead, as long as some stupid stuff doesn't happen like I lose an arm or the school tells me I need to get a 4.5 GPA or some damn bullshit like that.

The main reason for this decision is actually that my school basically just stopped offering second-year Russian (I'm finishing up my first year right now), and I don't want to be going there a year later having gotten rusty on a language I only sort of know already. That would be totally crappy.

Anyway, this development MIGHT make things slightly harder, making-comics-wise. I doubt I'll be able to lug my giant computer on the plane with me, so I would either need to splurge on a tiny laptop only able to run Photoshop and Microsoft Word, or I would need to use the Russian computers and scanners that the Saint Petersburg Polytechnic University might so generously let me use in their public computer area. I assume that these computers would be exactly the same as American computers, except they would smell like potatoes and will probably be used mainly to look at pictures of expensive cars on the internet.

By the way, if any actual Russians end up reading this (that means you, members of the Russian government that are attempting to pass a law stating that foreigners cannot enter Russia if they are known to make derogatory statements about Russian culture and I am totally not kidding about this), then I didn't actually mean that about the potatoes. I'm sure you guys don't smell like potatoes. I don't even really know why I said that.


Anyway, another potential change would be that if I go to Russia, the characters in my comic have to, as well. Gorsky (Горскй) has kind of a Slavic-sounding name, though, so I think I could pull it off... somehow. Also, I will definitely have to start inserting more anti-American rhetoric, since I can do that kind of thing there without getting punched in the face by a guy in a cowboy hat. This has happened to me at least three times in America, and believe me, I'm getting pretty tired of it.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Comic's all done

Hope you're happy.

As an added bonus, here is a random picture from my Photobucket account, which I share with another person. Here is one of HIS pictures, which he has put onto the site for no apparent reason.

Note that probably about 80% of the pictures he loads onto there are pictures of baseball players or their mustaches. I have no idea why he does this. Here's another one.

I don't know about you, but I'm starting to get pretty tired of this shit. There's like fifty pictures of his on there, all exactly like this.

What are you DOING?


Thursday, May 25, 2006


I finally just up and drew that thing, but it won't be photoshopped and up on the site until tomorrow because I am sleepy. Note that just because this is taking me a long time to do does NOT mean that it will be of especially high quality. Remember that whenever I say I'll do something in a certain amount of time, I'm almost guaranteed to take at least three times as long to actually do it. I'll bet my wife wishes she were so lucky.

Note: I only said that for comedic value. I'm not actually married.


EDIT: I just added a link to the site of my old friend Lane Tower from high school. I totally didn't know he had a site until just now, and his videos are hilarious. All two of them.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Gettin' closer!

New development: I am about half-way through the next comic. I'd love to lie and say I've been real busy, but really, I've just been screwing around and playing old Super Nintendo games. Tomorrow, though, I'm going to finish this mofo. IN FACT, I am going to write the word "mofo" on my hand to remind me to finish a particular mofo.

There you go. Check out that double-jointed thumb, too. It is so double-jointed that it once injured a man without a double-jointed thumb. That man later died of his injuries.

(EDIT: please disregard the beer bottle and the Pavement album pictured in that photo. I don't want a thousand comments from people about how they like or hate beer/Pavement.)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Thanks a lot

There'll probably be a new comic tomorrow. I'd like to formally thank all those people who keep on checking my site over and over every single day even though I rarely actually make new comics. You ARE Biscuits for Breakfast.

I'd also like to thank all those pissed-off people who wrote shit about me in their Livejournals. Your links to my site have brought in AT LEAST five more people than I would have gotten anyway. If I had ads on my site that didn't belong to Comicgenesis, I would be rolling in pennies because of you.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

This post has various appealing qualities

I just saw the movie Munich with some friends. They laughed the whole way through and complained whenever anyone was assassinated because they think they would have done it much better because they're so good at video games. "Why didn't they use a silencer? Why didn't they shoot him in the head from a mile away with a pistol like I did in Battlefield 2? Why are they using the AK-47 to kill those hostages, it's so inaccurate."

In other news, I'm still e-designing (to quote Reclamare) the plot to my new up-and-coming comics. All I can tell you people at the moment is that they will take place pretty much one year ahead of that last comic you all just read, and there will be something noticably different about McMahon. See if you can guess what it is before I post a comic about it three months from now! No really, guess.

In the meantime, here is a collection of rejected one-liners from my past comics that I didn't end up using after realizing that they were too disgusting and that my comic was relying too heavily on disgusting jokes. That or I couldn't find a way to work them into the plot. Here we GO!


"What do you mean this isn't cheese? Why didn't anyone tell me I was spreading dog poop on my crackers and eating them for half and hour? Dog poop on crackers? I mean, come on now."

"Boy this lemonade sure does taste like my mailman's urine."

"Hey Gorsky! I can buy Dr. Dre's used adult diaper on eBay for $200,000!"

"If you don't get out of my way, I am going to poop in my pants so hard that my pants will fall down."

"Poop poop pee poop farts."

"Sorry, I didn't hear what you were saying, I was too busy putting these condoms filled with urine and feces under every tire of this expensive sports car."


"As if this day couldn't get any worse. First I run out of toilet paper, and then my encyclopedia says that the capital of Slovenia is poop."

"Oh wow, I can't believe someone bought my diaper on eBay. I have to go write some raps about this, word up skeet skeet skeet nigga."

"Man, burning hair doesn't smell nearly as good as it tastes."


Ugh, those were terrible. They're out in the open now though, so I won't ever be tempted to put one of them in a comic and gross out my mom.

Oh my god it is 2:26 am I'd better quit writing this post huh.

Friday, May 05, 2006

I made a guest comic

Esteemed webcomiscist and Biscuits for Breakfast fan Ken Krekeler asked me to make him a guest comic. After stringing him along for about two weeks and saying "I'll get around to it," I finally did. Go check it out if you know what's good for you.

In other news, Orcish Spam author Jdude (who is my brother in case you haven't been paying attention) is coming to Spokane right this very minute from Texas. There will be a large barbecue, and I'm pretty sure there will be steak involved. If I had any fans in Spokane I would invite them, but I probably don't, so that's too bad.

Too bad for YOU.

Also, I turned anonymous comments back after one of my friends commented that he thought they were funny. I'm doing you a favor by doing this, though, so don't abuse it.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Another angry reviewer

Webcomics Roundup is really starting to get people riled up. Since I blocked comments from non-Blogger users (anonymous comments are for cowards), they've started trying to post their shit on the reviews section of my Buzzcomix account. You can really tell they're stretching to find things wrong with my comics, though, judging from the overly generic "criticisms." The fact of the matter is that they're mad at me for making fun of them and not letting them complain about it.

Which is extremely hilarious to me.

The most recent review (there are two) comes from Ambot, who I assume owns that website I just linked right there because it has "Ambot Ah!" in the name. Go look at it if you want to see the least impressive website for a self-proclaimed "web designer" ever made. Note to the creator of that particular website: if you aren't the one who wrote this review and the "Ambot" thing is just a coincidence, I'm just kidding. Your website is absolutely amazing.

Ambot wrote:
"Lose the blog, even though It's good to finally hear someone speak the truth about their feelings for good comics. The subject matter of the comic has potential, but the blog (even though it's a joke) removes all interest in following this comic."

I guess my blog is a joke? And it removes interest in following the comic? I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean.

Ambot writes:
"Looking through Bisquit's previous comics, and not finding them very funny, and actually finding the lack of good drawing skills more laughable than the dialogue/plots, it's my conclusion that Bisquit does not take him or herself seriously as an artist, or a decent person."

Okay, first of all, my name isn't "Bisquit." Second of all, yes, I know my early comics don't look fantastic. I hear this is pretty common, though.

Ambot writes:
"From a Professional Illustrator's standpoint, who also publishes an Online Comic, This comic is not much of an undertaking."

You're a Professional Illustrator? Like with capital letters and everything? Ooohhh, sorry to have offended you, your majesty. If you think I'm going to concede and take down my site because you have a graphic design major, you've got another think coming (that is the correct usage of that phrase by the way, did you know that).
Also, where is this alleged comic? I'm really having a hard time finding anything specific about the word Ambot except for this annoying Myspace page that talks to you about abortion when you load it up.

Ambot says:
"People post comics on this site to share a talent, not to ask for putdowns. Why spend time critiquing comics that aren't even in the top 100?"

I might ask you the same question, genius. The reason I do it, though, is because it's funny to watch people writhe in agony after reading the opinions of some dude on the internet. They'll get all pissed off and rant and rave and call the person a douchebag, and then always follow it off with a statement like this:

Ambot says:
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Bisquit obviously has his/her own, and that's fine."

I thought I told you to not call me Bisquit, asshole. People on the internet seem to think that they need to constantly grant others permission to have their own opinion. Every time someone says something the least bit offensive. Every fucking time. Please oh please, Almighty Professional Ilustrator, might I possibly inconvenience you by having my own opinion, if it's not too much trouble?

But oh wait, this guy seems to have an opinion of his own! Maybe it's somehow related to my comic "not being very good?" Read and find out!

Ambot says:
"My opinion is that this comic is not worth the artist's time, or skill. I would advise finding a unique style and developing it, maybe look elsewhere for subject matter. take a drawing class, read funny poetry for better delivery, and out of respect- stop making fun of other people's work."

Did you catch that? That part about the poetry? I couldn't believe that when I read it. If this guy was a professional reviewer, he would be fired (unless he worked for IGN). Imagine reading a review of "Thank You For Smoking" in the paper and seeing the words "Jason Reitman might improve his directing skills if he were to consider reading funny poetry." He would find himself face down on the sidewalk in front of the newspaper office the next day with an imprint of a giant boot embedded into his ass.
And really, his last words say it all. He probably wouldn't even reviewed me if it weren't for my making fun of other people's work, which really just signifies to me that I should keep doing it. Publicity is publicity, and hits from Faulknerian man-children are just as good as any other hits.

What a douchebag. He's entitled to his own opinion, though.

Look for a new comic, a new Webcomics Roundup, and a new guest comic on My Nemesis throughout the rest of the week (not necessarily in that particular order, though).