Sunday, July 09, 2006

What I Think Of Canada

Canada has been kicked around by Americans for a long time now. I mean, there's just so much about Canada to make fun of, like the fact that they pronounce things differently from us! Also, they have that horribly misguided "socialized medicine" policy, which (get this) allows ANYONE to get health care! Those obviously don't understand that doctors won't do their job correctly unless they're paid ungodly amounts of money to do very little work, and that they get sloppy when they have to operate on poor people. Come on, Canada.

But really, Canada's all right. After spending a week there, the only problems I had were the extremely high price of food (eight bucks for a six pack of soda?!?), the poor exchange rate (which is actually America's fault), and the accents of the French Canadians.

Let me elaborate on that for a moment. I don't mean any actual disrespect to French people (or even French Canadians... Reclamare...). The French language is beautiful, and the French Canadians are a proud people, or so I assume from all the complaining they do about making Quebec its own country, but holy SHIT the French Canadian accent is grating. It's more guttural sounding than proper French, for one thing... like a German guy who learned French and then had his tongue cut in half down the middle. Our downstairs neighbors kept mouthing nonsense words to their baby to make it stop crying, but it came out as an extremely loud "GUIIIIIHHHhhhhhh!" And they would do this for hours! How could they spend so much time basically shouting in their baby's face and then go for so long without changing its diaper that the smell literally travelled out their windows and into ours before embedding itself in the fabric of our furniture, only to make itself known again whenever we sat down?

And another thing: I don't know if it's like this all over Canada, but the drivers in British Columbia are some of the shittiest drivers I've ever seen, and I've been to Texas. EVERYONE'S a tailgater, and nobody even thinks about driving the speed limit. That goes for city driving, too: you can't make a left turn without some dude cutting in front of you, or blasting past you when you're trying to stop for a pedestrian. Incidentally, I don't think I saw one police car for the entirety that I was up there. Canadians seem to just take all their bad driving for granted, though, and don't even seem to get angry at the people that are inconveniencing them by driving the speed limit. I didn't get the finger once, or even garbage thrown at my car. Wish I could say the same about Spokane.

But the positive aspects of Canada. The border guards never even checked my car (even though I was a lone, unshaved American with dirty hair and only one bag of luggage), unlike the American guards, who stopped just short of strip searching me and taking my car apart to find marijuana hidden in some secret compartment of my 1994 Ford Aspire. The Canadians were friendly and never treated us like tourists, even when it was extremely obvious that we WERE tourists. The legal drinking age is 19, so I was able to just walk into a bar and order a drink without even getting carded. Also I saw a house that was actually converted from old-timey river boat. You'd probably get the neighborhood association pounding at your door if you tried that around here.

So anyway, enough about Canada. I'll try to get the new comic finished by tomorrow, and maybe I'll also be able to unveil the first comic of my new college newspaper series, "Generic College Newspaper Comic Strip." It stars two college students that make jokes about drinking and how hard their classes are. Bet you can't find any OTHER webcomics like THAT.


Blogger Reclamare said...

I'm not French Canadian! I am a Canadian who can speak French. I am mostly Irish.

The ultimate Francophone phrase is 'Donnez-moi mes running shoes, dere'.

9:08 AM  

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