Saturday, August 12, 2006

Never again.

For my upcoming trip to Texas, I've decided that I'm not going to fly. Nope, it's the Greyhound for me. From now on, I'm only flying under extreme conditions, and by extreme conditions I mean a family member is dying or there's a sudden epidemic of tiny, biting dogs in Washington State and they need to evacuate. That would be terrible.

Why am I willing to spend three or four days on a bus as opposed to half a day on a plane? Well, for one thing, a bus is much less aggrivating. No one ever delayed a bus for nine hours because the driver woke up late. You don't get charged $400 (at the very cheapest) for a bus ticket, nor do you have to reserve your ticket five months in advance in order to get anything even close to a good deal. And you don't need to wait overnight to take a shuttle bus from the bus station to your destination because, get this, you're already on a bus!

As if flying weren't bad enough, apparently it's now illegal to take liquids onto planes, because terrorists might hide a bomb inside a shampoo bottle or something. According to Homeland Security, the terrorists are "always looking for ways to strike us, and will never do the same thing twice." However, if that were true, they'd never try to hide a bomb in a shampoo bottle again, so what the hell. Besides, the next logical step is that some terrorist is going to hide a few pounds of C4 up his ass, and then we'll all have to get full cavity searches every time we get on and off a plane. This is going to happen, too, mark my words, and it will ruin the airline industry. No one wants to have a finger shoved up their ass twice at every connecting flight just so they can go play slots in Vegas. Well, most people don't, anyway.

At what point do we stop letting this kind of thing slide? When do we finally throw up our hands and say "I don't care if I'm fucking safe, I'm just sick of the damn regulations"? It's not as if any of us is REALLY safe, anyway. Even if we opened up all the borders and let in every unshaved, jittery guy with a turban, the chances of you getting killed by one of his bombs would still be less than the chances of a drunk driver plowing through your house and killing you in your sleep, or the chances of you getting mugged on the street by a dude named "Babyfeet," or the chances of you just randomly having a heart attack and dying even though you ran a mile every day while eating Bran Flakes cereal with skim milk and soy milk mixed together.

Terrorism doesn't make it onto my top five list of fears, and I don't even own a gun. You know what scares me more than terrorism? Looking into a mirror in the bathroom and thinking I might see a scary face in the corner of my eye for a split second. And that's not even a plausible fear! Hell, I'm more afraid of using a public restroom than I am of terrorism.

Besides, unless you live in a high profile city like New York, Washington DC, Seattle or Los Angeles (all of which vote Democrat, mind you), you don't really have to fear terrorists at ALL. You think al Qaeda is really going to crash a plane filled with bombs into your local city hall/tavern in Nutsack Falls, Ohio? Think again, Jethro.

Really, if ANY other reason were used to justify all this new bureaucratic bullshit than terrorism, you can bet the Republicans would be up in arms about how the government is trying to "control their lives." But no, they're afraid of terrorists. Fucking terrorists. You might as well be afraid of ghosts or not getting enough presents from Santa Claus, for chrissakes. You fucking cowards.

Friday, August 11, 2006

When I die, I want to be buried in mashed potatoes

I decided recently to go on a fast. I don't know why, I just felt like it. The only things I'm ingesting are liquids and raw vegetables, which I am eating very sparely. For example, today I just grabbed an uncooked potato and cold ate that thing. I just ate it without even thinking about it, like it was a completely normal thing to do, like I was a Texan.

The fast will last about three weeks (exactly 21 days), and as of right now I'm up to day three. I figure I'm at that age where I can do stupid things like this and people will just go "Oh, that rascal. He's not eating any food." I need to come up with more stupid things to get out of the way before I turn 21 and start drinking and doing stupid things at the same time.

We'll see how this fast goes, and if I actually manage to make it all three weeks, which might be hard since I'll be visiting Texas in a couple weeks and you can't not eat food in Texas. I'll tell you, Texas may be a state of retarded man-children, but damn if they can't make a good meal.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Is anyone still reading this?

Sorry I've been AWOL for a month , but I recently decided that I'm totally tired of Biscuits for Breakfast now. I'm tired of drawing it, thinking up comics for it, or even looking at it. To me it just looks so bad, I can't stand it.

This happens all the time with webcomics, though. An artist will write himself into a hole, or he'll set his own standards too high and become disappointed with his work, or whatever. That's the way it goes. I've always been notoriously slow with my updates, but especially the last half-year or so, because I really just wasn't into it. Sorry.

So let me just finally announce it all official-like: I'm done drawing Biscuits for Breakfast. No, I won't finish the plot line or end it in any sort of graceful fashion. I'm going to do this like I'm tearing off a band-aid. Besides, I think the only people who would have been disappointed by the comic's ending (or the plot being left wide open) are people that I've already told about it personally.

However, I realize how much this sucks if you actually WERE a fan. The news on THAT front is that I'm starting a new comic, which I've drawn about 11 strips for so far. Once I can get the site going, which should take another week, I'll have that mother going and we can get back to business. It's called "Solid Gold Mummies," it's written by me, and exquisitely drawn by my brother, who assures me that he won't let his hectic schedule of digging for bones and screaming at his dog get in the way of drawing new stuff for me. These comics are so easy for me to make that I'm seriously considering doing a Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule for them. Seriously.

When I move to the new site, I'll move all my old comics there, as a sort of "look at this crap I used to make isn't it quaint" archive of the past. I'm not just going to throw them in the dumpster... after all, they took up at least two years of my life. Though they may have grown into greasy, back-talking adolescents, they're still my children. I'm not disowning them, I'm just kicking them out of the house. Plus, I still like writing on this here blog, and the updates will be more common from now on, believe me.

As for Biscuits for Breakfast... well, I'll see what happens a year or so from now. If my drawing class this fall (!) actually turns out to be helpful, maybe you'll see their glorious return. Don't worry too much about it for now, though.