Saturday, August 12, 2006

Never again.

For my upcoming trip to Texas, I've decided that I'm not going to fly. Nope, it's the Greyhound for me. From now on, I'm only flying under extreme conditions, and by extreme conditions I mean a family member is dying or there's a sudden epidemic of tiny, biting dogs in Washington State and they need to evacuate. That would be terrible.

Why am I willing to spend three or four days on a bus as opposed to half a day on a plane? Well, for one thing, a bus is much less aggrivating. No one ever delayed a bus for nine hours because the driver woke up late. You don't get charged $400 (at the very cheapest) for a bus ticket, nor do you have to reserve your ticket five months in advance in order to get anything even close to a good deal. And you don't need to wait overnight to take a shuttle bus from the bus station to your destination because, get this, you're already on a bus!

As if flying weren't bad enough, apparently it's now illegal to take liquids onto planes, because terrorists might hide a bomb inside a shampoo bottle or something. According to Homeland Security, the terrorists are "always looking for ways to strike us, and will never do the same thing twice." However, if that were true, they'd never try to hide a bomb in a shampoo bottle again, so what the hell. Besides, the next logical step is that some terrorist is going to hide a few pounds of C4 up his ass, and then we'll all have to get full cavity searches every time we get on and off a plane. This is going to happen, too, mark my words, and it will ruin the airline industry. No one wants to have a finger shoved up their ass twice at every connecting flight just so they can go play slots in Vegas. Well, most people don't, anyway.

At what point do we stop letting this kind of thing slide? When do we finally throw up our hands and say "I don't care if I'm fucking safe, I'm just sick of the damn regulations"? It's not as if any of us is REALLY safe, anyway. Even if we opened up all the borders and let in every unshaved, jittery guy with a turban, the chances of you getting killed by one of his bombs would still be less than the chances of a drunk driver plowing through your house and killing you in your sleep, or the chances of you getting mugged on the street by a dude named "Babyfeet," or the chances of you just randomly having a heart attack and dying even though you ran a mile every day while eating Bran Flakes cereal with skim milk and soy milk mixed together.

Terrorism doesn't make it onto my top five list of fears, and I don't even own a gun. You know what scares me more than terrorism? Looking into a mirror in the bathroom and thinking I might see a scary face in the corner of my eye for a split second. And that's not even a plausible fear! Hell, I'm more afraid of using a public restroom than I am of terrorism.

Besides, unless you live in a high profile city like New York, Washington DC, Seattle or Los Angeles (all of which vote Democrat, mind you), you don't really have to fear terrorists at ALL. You think al Qaeda is really going to crash a plane filled with bombs into your local city hall/tavern in Nutsack Falls, Ohio? Think again, Jethro.

Really, if ANY other reason were used to justify all this new bureaucratic bullshit than terrorism, you can bet the Republicans would be up in arms about how the government is trying to "control their lives." But no, they're afraid of terrorists. Fucking terrorists. You might as well be afraid of ghosts or not getting enough presents from Santa Claus, for chrissakes. You fucking cowards.

2 Comments:

Anonymous scurvy said...

the bommb wasn't hidden in the liquid it was the liquid, I would think that you of all people would realize that some of the worlds greatest explosives come in liquid form, like diarrhea. Oh and by th by I still have your Oh brother where art though and big lebowski dvds so if yo were to bring me back my firefly dvds you could maybe get them back.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Jdude said...

don't count on in, scurv. He is a cruel soul with eyes only for his own twisted personal enjoyment. Also lazy.

7:05 PM  

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